On Being Weird and Strange

Not too long ago, I learned from a former in-law that a member of my immediate family had talked about me with this former in-law and had used the words "weird and strange" to describe me, explaining why my family member limited contact with me. Now, I know I'm unusual, but then again, every single person on this planet has some unusual qualities or traits. I, myself, have even used the terms "weird and strange" when describing myself. But, the way my family member used these descriptors was in a negative sense.

Learning this information some 15 years later was both revelatory and hurtful. It explained so much the erratic nature of my relationship with this family member, but it was quite painful to hear that she felt that way about me, and because of that she limited her involvement with me, and even tempered her love and affection.

I realize I can be abrasive, and even at times I can seem almost alien. I have my opinions and views, just like anyone else, and just because they don't mesh with those of another person, especially a loved one, that shouldn't preclude having a good relationship with them. Just like every other human being on the planet, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, I inadvertently hurt those I love the most and I'm even callous and insensitive at times. Yet, I never intentionally set out to hurt or alienate anyone, especially my family. The one thing that is most important to me on this planet is family. Maybe because I've never felt truly a part of one.

Unfortunately, I'm not able to speak with this family member about her opinion of me, but if I could, I would tell her that I sometimes think of her as strange and weird, as well, though I never cut her out of my life, and heart, because of it. I simply counted it as part of who she was; part of what made her her.

I've changed quite a bit over the past 25 years. I am not the man I was when I began the journey to become a better man. Have I completely succeeded in being all that I can be? No. But I continue to strive for that goal even though I know I may never reach it. I will continue to be "strange and weird" in the eyes of many, but that's just part of being me, just as it is with everyone else.