Friday, March 8, 2024

New Relationships

We talk about new love; how great it is, how exciting it is, and we romanticize it. But new love is also scary. While you're basking in the glow of the possibilities, the negative possibilities also cross your mind and that's terrifying. What if the person you're falling in love with hurts you? What if they use you up and toss you aside like yesterday's garbage? It's impossible to imagine all the great outcomes without considering all the hurtful, harmful ones. It's enough to drive a person into hibernation.

From my own experience, I worry that I will again fall in love only to learn my partner doesn't really love me. That I will go into another relationship where I give my all and I receive little to nothing in return. I've only been in love one time, but I knew that I wasn't loved in return. I was willing to live that relationship because I was so desperate to be in love. I'm older and wiser, now, but I still have to weigh the cost of being in a relationship where I fall in love. Am I going to be fallen in love with this time, or will I be the only one in love in the relationship? Am I willing to risk it all again, only to find I'm repeating my last relationship? And what if I do wind up being loved the way I love? How do I react to that? I've never experienced that so how will I cope with it?

I also keep asking myself if I'm too old to go through it all, again. Do I really want to try again? Does the risk of pain outweigh the possibility of being loved? Can I really find love at this stage in my life? Ten billion and one questions and not a single real answer in sight, and my stress level goes through the roof! What am I waiting for? Am I rushing it? Am I delaying it? Am I ready? Will I ever be ready? Am I good enough? Do I deserve it? Too many questions without answers could send me running back into hibernation without really giving love a chance.

But the reality is we cannot find the answers until we commit ourselves to the relationship. Only by allowing ourselves to fall in love can we learn if the other person loves us the way we love them. We can only learn if they will hurt us after we give them the opportunity to love us. There is no shortcut to the answers; we just have to travel the journey in order to reach the destination, whichever that may be. So the real question is: do we embark on the journey or do we return to our cave and hide out for the rest of our lives? And that truly is the only question we can answer. Will it be yes or no?

Monday, January 15, 2024

Words

We all know people who make comments that are hurtful, but they say it as a "joke," so we can't really complain about what they're saying or we look like someone who is overly sensitive. Or they make jokes with just enough barb to them that you know they really mean what they're saying but want to hide it behind a joke so they can't be held accountable.

This type of thing has always bothered me because it's just another way of not truly being real in a relationship. And it's a way of not truly taking responsibility for their actions, statements or behavior. They think because it's a "joke" it's okay. But the fact remains, the pain they inflict is real, not a joke. But, to them, hurt feelings aren't really pain. And if they are, it's not their fault, it's the person whose feelings were hurt's fault. They should "toughen up." But these people tend to be people who have suffered enough hurt and pain in their lives that they can't just "toughen up."

Words are powerful. Jesus taught us that the power of life and death are in the tongue. Words can create or destroy. Words can bring joy or sorrow. They can build up or tear down. And the one speaking those words will have to answer for them one day; not to man but to God. Matthew 12:36-37 says, "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." But what does it mean to say "idle words?" Idle words lack purpose or intention; they fill the air with meaningless noise. I know I don't want to stand before God and have to answer for saying things that had no purpose or were just a bunch of noise. I only want to hear God say, "well done" when I enter His presence. I don't want Him questioning me about things that didn't have purpose.

There's an old children's rhyme that parents have used for generations to try to help children not really give words much importance, but the truth of the matter is that words may not break bones, but they do break spirits, hearts and the wounds they inflict may last a lifetime.

Thursday, January 4, 2024

For Such A Time As This

As far as I know, this phrase was first used when Esther was queen of Persia, by being the wife of Ahasuerus, king of the Persian empire. She was queen when Ahasuerus decreed that all the Hebrews be destroyed and the Jewish people be killed at the urging of Haman. Esther's uncle, Mordecai spoke to her and told her that she had been chosen by God to be queen of the Persian empire for such a time as this so that she could save the Jews from extermination.

Since that time, anyone called of God to accomplish a certain task at a certain time has used the phrase, for such a time as this. And in the days that we are living in, there are many who have been appointed "for such a time as this." Appointed and anointed to share the grace and mercy of Almighty God, to share the good news of Jesus Christ, who lived, died and was resurrected so that we might have eternal life, spending eternity with God.

I believe I was born so that I could share that grace and mercy that I have received and to tell everyone I meet that Jesus is alive and well and that He is still rolling stones away from tombs, setting captives free, giving sight and hearing to the blind and deaf. Healing the sick and restoring hope in the hearts and souls of all who call on His name and repent of their sins. His love is all around us, if we'll just allow ourselves to feel it.

But, at this point in history, our people are at odds with one another. We're allowing our differences to create hate and enmity within our hearts and souls. If we don't agree with someone's point of view we classify them as our enemy and we seek to hurt or destroy them. There are no scriptures in the Bible that tell us that these things are justified or right. There are, however, scriptures that tell us these things are unacceptable to God. Jesus came to teach us how to live, and all we have to do is follow His example. Jesus never accused anyone for their sin! He never fought with those who didn't believe. When He traveled to Nazareth, His very own people refused to see Him as He truly was, so He departed that region. He didn't declare war on them and try to destroy them, He merely turned around and left them where they were.

Jesus never got into anyone's face and screamed that they should follow Him; He merely went where people could listen to His teachings. If they attended that was great. If they didn't, that was fine, too. Jesus never tried to change the rule of law that governed Israel and Judea. He obeyed the law, but He still did what He needed to do in teaching the people that He was the Messiah and that God loved them. Even the woman at the well was not treated with anything other than love and respect. And she had been married so many times and was living with a man who was not her husband. But Jesus didn't tell her she was a harlot, adulteress, sinner or anything of that nature. He simply invited her to drink of the living water that He provides and told her to go and sin no more. Even though He knew that she could not live her life without commiting sin. The command to go and sin no more is not given in the spirit that we will never make a mistake, it's given so that we strive to live our lives without sin.

For such a time as this, I was called by God to bring His message of love, hope, grace and mercy to the people that I can reach. And that's what I try to do each and every day. I don't always hit the mark, but I still keep trying. I still keep telling every one I can that Jesus loves them so much that He died the most horrifying death imaginable so that every one who accepts Him as Lord and Savior can find peace, love, grace and mercy. Eternal life with God is a bonus! Nothing we can do would ever earn us salvation. We aren't told to clean ourselves up and do things to pay for our salvation. We were saved by grace through the mercy of God. Our works are not done to earn anything; they're done to show others what God can do and to fulfill the command of Jesus to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and the widows, to house the homeless and to share the Love, Grace and Mercy that we have received from God. If you see someone thirsty, give them a drink. If you see someone hurting, offer solace and hope.

Stop the hatred; stop the shouting; stop the belligerence; stop the enmity! Humble yourself and allow Holy Spirit to guide you and counsel you. I know it's not the easiest thing to do, but it is worth the effort to do so. The result will be peace beyond understanding and joy that can't be spoken. And love like you've never known.

Sunday, December 31, 2023

New Love/First Love

I'm 60 years old and I've never had someone be in love with me. I have been in love, once, but it was not returned. I was settled for, not chosen or "the one." I have loved when I wasn't "in love," and while those relationships were nice, they weren't meant to be the permanent, lasting relationships, they were merely practice for the real one.

The one relationship where I was in love, I was settled for because of health issues Kerry was dealing with. I was settled for because there was no hope that someone else would come along and be the love Kerry wanted. While I knew that going in, and I was okay with it because I was so madly in love, later on I felt cheated and deprived. My love wasn't diminished, but I felt like I deserve to be loved the way I love. And although I dated, I didn't find the one, so I gave up. For almost 25 years I didn't try to find love, I just lived my life believing no one would ever love me like that.

My comment on love was, "if God wants me to have it, He will rip off the roof and throw it in."

There's a possibility that I may have found that love, or it found me. A month into the relationship, there's something really special going on but I cannot say that I've found "the one." I've found someone who COULD be "the one." While I had never heard the words, "I love you" from someone I was in a relationship with before, I got to hear those words a couple of weeks ago and it felt so good, so right, so now. Yes, it would be easy to question why it took so long, or to ask what was I doing wrong that I couldn't find it earlier in my life, but the truth is asking those questions and getting the answers wouldn't change anything. I would still be 60 years old and experiencing something I've never experienced before. I don't feel the need to question, I only feel the need to experience what is happening in the here and now.

Everything happens in God's time. When you give your life to Him and you place all control of your life in His hands, then things happen on His schedule and there's not much you can do about it. Yes, I could try to force it, like I did with Kerry, but nothing will really come of that because it's not the soulmate God created for me. And that's who I want: God's choice, not my own. This new love may very well turn out to be my first true love, but it may turn out to be just another preparation or just a taste of love. I don't know, yet. But I do know I'm going to enjoy it for as long as God has planned.

Are You Kidding Me?

I keep hearing about the hardships the people of the Gaza Strip are enduring, but I don't hear any news reports about the hardships the people of Israel are facing! It's always about how the palestinians are being denied basic human rights, but no one talks about how those palestinians have denied basic human rights to the women and children of Israel whom they've murdered or the survivors of the Israeli men they've murdered who have no means to support themselves. When are we going to stop bending over backwards to make the palestinians victims? They are not victims! They would be if they had ever declared themselves a sovereign nation and established a state for themselves. They occupied the land now known as Israel for almost 2,000 years and never established themselves as a nation. They claimed their nations as those of Iran, Iraq, Syria, Egypt, etc., but they never made any move to establish the land where Israel now exists as a state. Only after Israel took possession and resurrected their nation did those who had lived on that land for thousands of generations claim they wanted a state on that land.

Monday, November 20, 2023

The Truth Set Me Free

I was talking with a friend this morning and I mentioned that I had received beatings, as a child and teen, for telling the truth. That's not supposed to be the reality for a child. It's no wonder I became a liar due to the fact I was beaten for telling the truth.

When a child is raised by liars, he will learn to lie. Both my father and my step-mother would require me to lie to the other about their actions and words. Of course, if I lied to them about mine, I got a beating. Teaching a child to lie, then punishing them for lying is confusing to a child. But, beating a child for telling the truth is not confusing. The child learns that the truth is not acceptable. The truth will only bring trouble. In the house of liars, that is.

Thankfully, I didn't live in that household beyond nine years. At the age of 13, I began living with honest adults. And I began to learn that the truth was, indeed, the right way to live. I never once got in trouble for telling the truth by another adult after that. Unfortunately, I did return to living in my father's presence, so I did receive beatings for the truth after the age of 14. But, thankfully, the other person in that house was the most honest person I have ever met in my life. And she is the one who brought about the change in my life to move from dishonesty to honesty.

Once I realized how bad I had gotten with lying and decided to make the change to being an honest person, I realized that the truth really does set you free. Free from fear. Fear from reprisals. Free from deception. It's a freedom I hadn't known until I was in my mid-20's. And it's a freedom I've relished throughout the rest of my adult life. I have friends who have gotten upset with me because I won't tell a "white lie" for them. But, for someone like me, even a little lie could become a snowball that grows as it rolls downhill and enmesh me into the life of dishonesty, again, and I will not allow that to happen.

The thing about the truth is, you don't have to remember it. It is what it is, and you'll never get tripped up by it. One lie begets another begets another begets another until you don't even know what the truth is anymore. If someone asked you your name, you'd be tempted to lie about it because you don't know what the truth is. I love the scripture that describes a liar: "the truth isn't in them." And from personal experience I can tell you that's real. A liar cannot know the truth because it doesn't reside in them. Jesus is the truth, the light, the way and He resides in my heart. So lies no longer have a place in my life. And I love it that way.

Sunday, November 19, 2023

Death and Dying

I recently posted on my Facebook page about death being a part of life and while I do truly understand that, I still hate death and dying. Not for me, but for those I love. I grieve over their lost moments; their lost opportunities. The loved ones who will miss them and the events of their loved ones life they won't be able to share. I've lost a lot of people during the course of my life. Some were due to age, some due to accidents and some due to disease. I've lost loved ones to cancer and to HIV and they are the two most horrible diseases I know of. They're horrible because they rob their victims of dignity. They steal the most fundamental aspects of being human and leave their victims without the ability to share their thoughts and feelings.

And before anyone tells me that HIV is God's curse on man for sin, let me stop you! God doesn't put disease on anyone! That's a lie straight from the pits of hell! There is no way God would strike a person down with disease for sin. He gives each and every person every opportunity to repent of their sin, He doesn't curse them while they're living! I don't know what kind of God you serve, but I feel sorry for you if your God is that hateful and spiteful. That's not the God I know and serve. The God I serve created the heavens and the earth by speaking them into existence. He spoke every single thing in this universe into being, but He reserved His most precious creation to be formed by His own hand! He created Adam from the dust of the earth by His hand and in His image! He created Eve from the rib of Adam, thus creating all of humanity in His image by His hand! If you think He would then be hate-filled and strike His creation down with disease for sin, you've forgotten how He loved mankind so much He became flesh and died on a cross and rose again on the third day so that He could save mankind from destruction! That's the God I serve: One who loves me so much He was willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for me!

I know there are members of my friends and family that are waiting for me on the other side of the River Jordan, waiting for me to step into eternity and spend it with them and with my Saviour. There are others I'm not sure where their eternity will be spent. And I grieve for God if they chose to not allow Jesus into their lives. I grieve for their family members and friends who are left wondering where they are for eternity. I cannot grieve for them because they made their choice. They had the opportunity to choose life over death and they didn't. That doesn't make me hard or uncaring; but I can't waste my time on this earth grieving over something that I cannot change. I will spend my time trying to convince those who haven't chosen Jesus to do so.

And I will miss each and every one who has stepped into eternity and left me here to think of them, love them and remember them.