We talk about new love; how great it is, how exciting it is, and we romanticize it. But new love is also scary. While you're basking in the glow of the possibilities, the negative possibilities also cross your mind and that's terrifying. What if the person you're falling in love with hurts you? What if they use you up and toss you aside like yesterday's garbage? It's impossible to imagine all the great outcomes without considering all the hurtful, harmful ones. It's enough to drive a person into hibernation.
From my own experience, I worry that I will again fall in love only to learn my partner doesn't really love me. That I will go into another relationship where I give my all and I receive little to nothing in return. I've only been in love one time, but I knew that I wasn't loved in return. I was willing to live that relationship because I was so desperate to be in love. I'm older and wiser, now, but I still have to weigh the cost of being in a relationship where I fall in love. Am I going to be fallen in love with this time, or will I be the only one in love in the relationship? Am I willing to risk it all again, only to find I'm repeating my last relationship? And what if I do wind up being loved the way I love? How do I react to that? I've never experienced that so how will I cope with it?
I also keep asking myself if I'm too old to go through it all, again. Do I really want to try again? Does the risk of pain outweigh the possibility of being loved? Can I really find love at this stage in my life? Ten billion and one questions and not a single real answer in sight, and my stress level goes through the roof! What am I waiting for? Am I rushing it? Am I delaying it? Am I ready? Will I ever be ready? Am I good enough? Do I deserve it? Too many questions without answers could send me running back into hibernation without really giving love a chance.
But the reality is we cannot find the answers until we commit ourselves to the relationship. Only by allowing ourselves to fall in love can we learn if the other person loves us the way we love them. We can only learn if they will hurt us after we give them the opportunity to love us. There is no shortcut to the answers; we just have to travel the journey in order to reach the destination, whichever that may be. So the real question is: do we embark on the journey or do we return to our cave and hide out for the rest of our lives? And that truly is the only question we can answer. Will it be yes or no?
