Saturday, September 20, 2014

Rejection, Acceptance, Love & Apathy

One of the greatest desires of my heart is to know real, true love from another person on this planet before I die, or Jesus returns. I've been through so much rejection in my life, always the one who is thrown over when there's a choice to be made. Always deemed to be somehow lacking when it comes to fully, completely being embraced. Always the one who is judged as unworthy when something doesn't measure up to somebody's "standards."

When I love, I love wholeheartedly, completely, without reservation. And while I have friends who love me, I've never known true, full-on love from anyone. Even my one true romance wasn't one where I was loved and chosen: I was accepted simply because I was the only one who was thought to be available due to circumstances. And I was definitely informed of this, from the very beginning.

I know God loves me. But, there's still that little part of me that wants to know the most intimate love a human being can have with another human being. To be the one that is chosen above all others, loved completely, truly and eternally. To know that if a choice had to be made between loving me and being with me or keeping another relationship, I would be the choice.

Basically, it boils down to this: I want to be needed, to be important, to matter and to feel the kind of love that I give to others. Is that really too much to ask for?