Sunday, October 9, 2011

It Ain't Easy Being Me....

One of my favorite things to say to people is: "It ain't easy being me, but it's definitely never boring!" Looking back over my life, I realize that's been true for most of it, though there were times the trials and tribulations I was going through made me wish my life were boring. Recently, however, I've come to understand how God can use what I went through as a child and how I've had to learn to hand it over to Him in my adulthood.

My childhood was definitely not an easy one. It also wasn't the worst childhood ever lived through. But since I've been saved, I've asked that God would allow me to use what I experienced to help others. That somehow, at some point, some good could come from the pain and suffering I endured. I tend to not tell people what I lived with and through, and even those I do tell, it tends to take some time of knowing them before I feel comfortable to reveal some of it. There are few people whom I've told everything to; those being my closest friends. Even they don't get the whole story all at once, and I don't think I've shared every detail with anyone other than God. Even my brothers and sisters don't know it all.

But, just yesterday my neighbor was telling me about something that's going on in his family. He's troubled and very confused about how to move on from this point. He's a younger man than I, and he wasn't telling me for any other purpose than asking me to pray for him and his family as they go through this ordeal. My advice to him was to pray and to forgive the person who has brought this turmoil and hurt to his family. I also told him to not cut this young man out of his life. Exactly the opposite advice he's been given by others, he told me. I then explained a little, without giving details, about my childhood and what it took for me to work through it as an adult. I told him about the process I went through forgiving those in my life who had been responsible for what I survived. I didn't FEEL forgiveness for them when I would speak the words, daily, "I forgive them." And I prayed each and every day that God would give me the DESIRE to forgive them. It was several years later I realized one morning when I said, "I forgive X" that I had. There was no longer any feelings of hurt, anger, bitterness.

The forgiveness was not for those who did what they did. It was for me. Bitterness is a cancer in your body that will bring about all types of sickness, even death. God knew that if we held on to unforgiveness that it would harm not only our spirit, but our body, so He told us to forgive. But, if we hold unforgiveness in our heart, how can we expect forgiveness from God, or anyone that we've hurt?

I love how God is now using my experiences to help others. I'm not saying they were worthwhile, but since I went through them, at least they can accomplish something good, now. And, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing! I am who I am today because of those things. I'm more compassionate, more caring, more sensitive and more helpful to others because of my childhood. And I praise God it can be used to help others. Even if just a small bit.

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