Okay, there's lots being said in the past few days regarding marriage due to the passage of a law in the state of New York. Many Christians and several Christian leaders are speaking out and condemning the law, the men and women who passed the law and the people who support the law. I want to take a few minutes and speak about the topic of marriage, the Bible and the church today.
Many of those who are shouting the loudest about the laws of the land are married to their second or third spouses, while their previous spouses are still living. How is this possible? It's possible because they've divorced their first and/or second spouse and remarried. Yet Jesus, Himself, told us that we are not allowed to remarry after divorce, and we're only allowed to divorce if our spouse has committed adultery. Note, we cannot commit adultery, ourselves, then ask for a divorce from our spouse.
In fact, it's written in scripture that if we divorce a spouse due to adultery, we are to remain single until our former spouse passes away or we are guilty of adultery and the person we marry becomes guilty of adultery, thereby placing the responsibility for their committing sin on our souls, and Christ told us that if we are responsible for someone else committing sin, it would be better for a millstone to be tied around our neck and we be cast into the sea.
So, how is it that divorce and remarriage has become so accepted in the church? I remember as recently as the 1970's a joke that stated it was better to murder your spouse than to divorce them because it was easier for the church to forgive murder than divorce. Yet, beginning in the 80's, divorce has become rampant, and accepted, in the church. And, along with it, remarriage is accepted, with the caveat that God doesn't recognize our marriages before we were saved. Hogwash! Paul addressed that situation, clearly, when he stated that if we're unequally yoked (married to a non-believer) we are to remain married to them if they are agreeable, because we have no way of knowing if our continued marriage to them will lead them to Christ. But, he also stated that if they were not agreeable to remaining married to us, we are to grant them a divorce, but we are to remain single, only allowed to remarry our former spouse.
I find it more unbelievable that so many of our pastors, teachers, evangelists and other leaders are on their second, third, fourth marriage. What happened to following Biblical teaching? The text of scripture states that in order to be a leader, the leader must be "the husband of one wife" (or conversely, the wife of one husband). There is no excuse listed in scripture for a shepherd to be divorced and remarried, much less multiple times divorced and remarried. Yet, if you look at those who are screaming the loudest about these laws, you'll likely find they've been married multiple times, and their former spouses are still living.
Now, I recently posted a blog in which I spoke about the speck and the plank. How much more appropriate can that statement from Jesus be to a conversation than it is to this one? I'm not condemning anyone who has divorced and remarried while their former spouse is still living. It's not my place to judge a single soul on this planet. However, I find it a wee bit hypocritical of us, as the church, to be carrying on about what the world is doing while we, ourselves, are committing sin; acting out in direct opposition to the teachings of Christ on the very subject that we are shouting the loudest about.
Maybe that's the key to why we're screaming so loudly. We tend to scream the loudest, and hate the most, those things we see in others which we dislike the most in ourselves. Unless and until we get our own acts cleaned up in regards to marriage IN the church, we have no right to condemn or complain about what those in the world are doing in regard to marriage.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
If They Don't Recognize It As Love, It Isn't Love
For many years I have lived under the guideline that if someone doesn't recognize my actions as being borne of love, then it isn't love. Someone actually told me once that he wasn't responsible if people didn't recognize that he was acting out of love. I was shocked that a Christian, and one who preaches the Word of God, would make such a statement. There is no way to mistake when something is done out of love or done without love.
The Bible, in 1Corinthians 13, teaches us that love is kind, patient, forbearing, forgiving, believes and hopes and endures many hurts; it does not envy, boast, behave rudely, seek its own, think evil, rejoice in iniquity and is not provoked. Love does not fail!
Paul stated that even bestowing all our goods to feed the poor and even give our bodies to be burned to save someone, if we do not have love, we have nothing.
When we love someone, we want to see them happy, we want to make them happy; we want to see them prosper and have only good things in their lives. We do not want to see them hurting in any way; we don't steal from them, we don't lie to them, we don't talk badly about them, we don't inhibit them attaining good things, we make certain they have food, water, clothing, shelter. We try to give them anything and everything we can possibly can, above and beyond their needs. We want them to have abundance. Just as God, in His love for us, wants to give us all the blessings of Heaven; He wants us to have more than we could ever dream or imagine: life, possessions to ease our lives, prosperity to make our lives better and to help others.
In this present age, love has waxed cold -- not only among the world, but among Christians. We say we love everyone, but our actions prove otherwise, and then we try to justify it by calling it "tough love". I have yet to find the concept of "tough love" in the Word of God. We claim to love the sinner, but we work so hard to take away from them their right to choose the way they live their lives. We complain so mightily about our government taking away our rights as Christians when the truth of the matter is, our government has not restricted our right to practice our faith; yes, they may have limited some areas where we can practice our faith, and we should, rightly, work to restore those available places, but we turn right around and try to force everyone to believe the way we believe and live according to our standard of Christianity.
I've heard several people who were not Christians state that they had no interest in becoming a Christian because they couldn't tell the difference between a Christian and an atheist when it came to the behavior of the two: atheists want to prevent Christians from saying God's name, from praying in public, etc. But, Christians want to take away the rights of non-believers, just as passionately. We want to "legislate morality".
We sincerely need to examine our hearts and repent for our sin of trying to force others to believe the way we believe. And it is a sin to do that. Christ never forced anyone to behave in the manner He taught His disciples to live. He never once advocated changing the laws of the land to reflect His teachings. He never once advocated changing the rule of the kingdom of Israel to mirror His teachings. Personally, I do vote for men and women who are Christian, but I don't do so so they will go to Washington or the state capitol and enact legislation that will force those who are not Christians to live according to Biblical teaching. Forcing people to behave according to Biblical teaching is not going to lead those people to Christ; the opposite is true: by forcing people to live according to our understanding of the Bible will drive them further away.
And, of course, we have a really huge problem when we do try to force Biblical standards on the masses: which denominations teachings of the Bible shall we enforce? If we, as Christians, cannot even agree on the teachings as a group (we have more denominations teaching more ways to live Bible teachings than most men can conceive), how then are we going to require the lost to live according to Bible teachings?
We need to get back to loving one another, loving those who are not saved and stop trying to force anyone to live according to our beliefs. As Jesus pointed out: how can we remove the speck from our brother's eye when we have a plank in our own?
The Bible, in 1Corinthians 13, teaches us that love is kind, patient, forbearing, forgiving, believes and hopes and endures many hurts; it does not envy, boast, behave rudely, seek its own, think evil, rejoice in iniquity and is not provoked. Love does not fail!
Paul stated that even bestowing all our goods to feed the poor and even give our bodies to be burned to save someone, if we do not have love, we have nothing.
When we love someone, we want to see them happy, we want to make them happy; we want to see them prosper and have only good things in their lives. We do not want to see them hurting in any way; we don't steal from them, we don't lie to them, we don't talk badly about them, we don't inhibit them attaining good things, we make certain they have food, water, clothing, shelter. We try to give them anything and everything we can possibly can, above and beyond their needs. We want them to have abundance. Just as God, in His love for us, wants to give us all the blessings of Heaven; He wants us to have more than we could ever dream or imagine: life, possessions to ease our lives, prosperity to make our lives better and to help others.
In this present age, love has waxed cold -- not only among the world, but among Christians. We say we love everyone, but our actions prove otherwise, and then we try to justify it by calling it "tough love". I have yet to find the concept of "tough love" in the Word of God. We claim to love the sinner, but we work so hard to take away from them their right to choose the way they live their lives. We complain so mightily about our government taking away our rights as Christians when the truth of the matter is, our government has not restricted our right to practice our faith; yes, they may have limited some areas where we can practice our faith, and we should, rightly, work to restore those available places, but we turn right around and try to force everyone to believe the way we believe and live according to our standard of Christianity.
I've heard several people who were not Christians state that they had no interest in becoming a Christian because they couldn't tell the difference between a Christian and an atheist when it came to the behavior of the two: atheists want to prevent Christians from saying God's name, from praying in public, etc. But, Christians want to take away the rights of non-believers, just as passionately. We want to "legislate morality".
We sincerely need to examine our hearts and repent for our sin of trying to force others to believe the way we believe. And it is a sin to do that. Christ never forced anyone to behave in the manner He taught His disciples to live. He never once advocated changing the laws of the land to reflect His teachings. He never once advocated changing the rule of the kingdom of Israel to mirror His teachings. Personally, I do vote for men and women who are Christian, but I don't do so so they will go to Washington or the state capitol and enact legislation that will force those who are not Christians to live according to Biblical teaching. Forcing people to behave according to Biblical teaching is not going to lead those people to Christ; the opposite is true: by forcing people to live according to our understanding of the Bible will drive them further away.
And, of course, we have a really huge problem when we do try to force Biblical standards on the masses: which denominations teachings of the Bible shall we enforce? If we, as Christians, cannot even agree on the teachings as a group (we have more denominations teaching more ways to live Bible teachings than most men can conceive), how then are we going to require the lost to live according to Bible teachings?
We need to get back to loving one another, loving those who are not saved and stop trying to force anyone to live according to our beliefs. As Jesus pointed out: how can we remove the speck from our brother's eye when we have a plank in our own?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
My Position on Politics
I'm a man of strong opinions. I wouldn't necessarily call myself "opinionated" in the sense of it being a bad thing, but I do have my opinions, which are deeply held and due to my diligence in seeking information, I believe I can change my opinions, when needed. I am also a man of strong convictions, insofar as I am unwilling to compromise my beliefs or opinions based upon the beliefs and opinions of others, solely to "fit in", as it were.
I dislike receiving political eMails from my friends, and absolutely loathe receiving them from special interest groups. I am capable of, and frequently exercise that capability, finding out the information I need to know about a candidate or an issue. Some of my friends have described me as fiscally conservative and socially moderate. Others consider me extremely conservative or extremely liberal. I do have a few opinions and beliefs that are what most people call liberal, in as much as they have to find a label to put on me.
I do not suffer those who allow the talking heads to shape their opinions or stands on the issues or candidates lightly. I believe far too many good men and women died to ensure the right of every individual in this great Republic of ours to enjoy the freedoms, privileges and responsibilities that come along with citizenship in The United States of America. I firmly believe each and every man and woman in this nation who is 18 years or older has the obligation to be politically active by researching the issues and candidates and fulfilling the responsibility to vote.
What I find most loathsome, however, is the way the political parties throw mud at the other party and the politicians in the other party. I find it abhorrent that the Republican party claims itself as the party of the Christian, yet they spew hatred, arrogance and poison on the people of this nation and spout lies regarding the members of the Democratic party. Yes, I do find the same actions on the parts of the Democrats to be vile, but the Democrats do not proclaim themselves to be the "Christian Party"! There are always things to dislike when it comes to the positions of politicians. That does not excuse, however, the bending of the truth of someone's affiliations, beliefs or political views, much less the outright lies that they tell about one another.
The worst part of it is, that we, as Christians, not only overlook these things, we support and even perpetuate them. I find that situation to be almost intolerable. We are to be the light of Christ unto the world yet we are using the tactics of the enemy while convincing ourselves that this is somehow "okay" with God. I'm afraid for many Christians when they stand before Christ on judgment day and have to face up to this standard they've borne.
I pray for the leaders of this nation, daily. The ones I agree with and most especially for the ones I disagree with. I pray for God's hand to guide them to the right decisions for this nation and His mercy upon them when they perform contrary to His will. And I pray for those who allow themselves to be led like lambs to the slaughter based solely upon political party membership. We are called to be separated from this world, for this world is not our home. We are, however, called to be responsible and good stewards of what we have been given in this life, and that includes those of us who were fortunate and blessed enough to be born as citizens of this great nation. But, we are not to become bogged down in the strife that is the political spectrum of this country. We are commanded by God to pray for, and to obey, our elected leaders, for they are in their offices by the grace and appointment of God; even the ones we disagree with. After all, how would we know the good ones without having the bad ones to compare them to?
I dislike receiving political eMails from my friends, and absolutely loathe receiving them from special interest groups. I am capable of, and frequently exercise that capability, finding out the information I need to know about a candidate or an issue. Some of my friends have described me as fiscally conservative and socially moderate. Others consider me extremely conservative or extremely liberal. I do have a few opinions and beliefs that are what most people call liberal, in as much as they have to find a label to put on me.
I do not suffer those who allow the talking heads to shape their opinions or stands on the issues or candidates lightly. I believe far too many good men and women died to ensure the right of every individual in this great Republic of ours to enjoy the freedoms, privileges and responsibilities that come along with citizenship in The United States of America. I firmly believe each and every man and woman in this nation who is 18 years or older has the obligation to be politically active by researching the issues and candidates and fulfilling the responsibility to vote.
What I find most loathsome, however, is the way the political parties throw mud at the other party and the politicians in the other party. I find it abhorrent that the Republican party claims itself as the party of the Christian, yet they spew hatred, arrogance and poison on the people of this nation and spout lies regarding the members of the Democratic party. Yes, I do find the same actions on the parts of the Democrats to be vile, but the Democrats do not proclaim themselves to be the "Christian Party"! There are always things to dislike when it comes to the positions of politicians. That does not excuse, however, the bending of the truth of someone's affiliations, beliefs or political views, much less the outright lies that they tell about one another.
The worst part of it is, that we, as Christians, not only overlook these things, we support and even perpetuate them. I find that situation to be almost intolerable. We are to be the light of Christ unto the world yet we are using the tactics of the enemy while convincing ourselves that this is somehow "okay" with God. I'm afraid for many Christians when they stand before Christ on judgment day and have to face up to this standard they've borne.
I pray for the leaders of this nation, daily. The ones I agree with and most especially for the ones I disagree with. I pray for God's hand to guide them to the right decisions for this nation and His mercy upon them when they perform contrary to His will. And I pray for those who allow themselves to be led like lambs to the slaughter based solely upon political party membership. We are called to be separated from this world, for this world is not our home. We are, however, called to be responsible and good stewards of what we have been given in this life, and that includes those of us who were fortunate and blessed enough to be born as citizens of this great nation. But, we are not to become bogged down in the strife that is the political spectrum of this country. We are commanded by God to pray for, and to obey, our elected leaders, for they are in their offices by the grace and appointment of God; even the ones we disagree with. After all, how would we know the good ones without having the bad ones to compare them to?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Embarking on God's Call
I've suffered horrendous, debilitating, intractable, insipid pain for the past 23½ years. God did deliver me from the pain for several months, earlier this year but it returned after they removed the hardware from my lumbar spine back in April during emergency surgery due to infection. Last week's appointment with the surgeon revealed the broken L4 vertebrae has begun slipping, which is causing even more pain. For many years I allowed myself to be deceived into thinking that I deserved this pain, and the complications that come with it. Thanks to my friend, Becky Fender, I came to realize that it was not deserved nor is it God's will for me to live in chronic, persistent pain from the base of my skull to my toes and all parts in between.
Over the years I've had good-intentioned Christians tell me that I just don't have enough faith, or there's some sin in my life I haven't repented for that causes this pain and the lack of healing. The truth is, I have lots of faith for a divine touch and miraculous healing. I've experienced miraculous healings in other areas of my body and life; as for the unrepentant sin, I can only laugh when someone says something like that.
Due to my inability to work, I spend most waking hours either on the computer or watching TV. This year has been especially egregious when it comes to not being able to do anything. Without the hardware to support the lumbar spine, pressure increases on the nerves, 2 of which have a condition called Arachnoiditis. That's where the chronic pain comes from. Also have 2 instances of the condition in the cervical spine (neck).
Now, having said all that, I do believe that God works ALL things for good for those of us who love Him! I don't know how He will make this into good, but His will and plan for me only includes good. Over the past few years I've been able to help others who are just beginning the long road that is chronic, insipid pain. One was a little old lady in her twilight years who had developed chronic pain and was considering having a pain pump implanted. My doctors asked me if I would consider speaking with her because she was terribly frightened. I do think I helped her, and I pray she's finding some relief from her pain.
The one thing I know for sure about this pain is that it's intent is to keep me from doing what God has called me to: music. Music for His glory, for exhorting my fellow Christians and even to teach through song. Despite basically being confined from doing anything, I can still write, and I have. I've written some amazing lyrics over the past few months, and I know beyond any doubt that those words came directly from the Throne: I was merely the vessel God used to bring them into creation.
So, I ask for your prayers for healing, for anointing, for doors opening. I know God can, and will, make a way!
Over the years I've had good-intentioned Christians tell me that I just don't have enough faith, or there's some sin in my life I haven't repented for that causes this pain and the lack of healing. The truth is, I have lots of faith for a divine touch and miraculous healing. I've experienced miraculous healings in other areas of my body and life; as for the unrepentant sin, I can only laugh when someone says something like that.
Due to my inability to work, I spend most waking hours either on the computer or watching TV. This year has been especially egregious when it comes to not being able to do anything. Without the hardware to support the lumbar spine, pressure increases on the nerves, 2 of which have a condition called Arachnoiditis. That's where the chronic pain comes from. Also have 2 instances of the condition in the cervical spine (neck).
Now, having said all that, I do believe that God works ALL things for good for those of us who love Him! I don't know how He will make this into good, but His will and plan for me only includes good. Over the past few years I've been able to help others who are just beginning the long road that is chronic, insipid pain. One was a little old lady in her twilight years who had developed chronic pain and was considering having a pain pump implanted. My doctors asked me if I would consider speaking with her because she was terribly frightened. I do think I helped her, and I pray she's finding some relief from her pain.
The one thing I know for sure about this pain is that it's intent is to keep me from doing what God has called me to: music. Music for His glory, for exhorting my fellow Christians and even to teach through song. Despite basically being confined from doing anything, I can still write, and I have. I've written some amazing lyrics over the past few months, and I know beyond any doubt that those words came directly from the Throne: I was merely the vessel God used to bring them into creation.
So, I ask for your prayers for healing, for anointing, for doors opening. I know God can, and will, make a way!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Texas Governor's Call For Day of Prayer - 6 August 2010
I applaud Texas Governor Rick Perry for calling on all 50 governors of the United States to gather in Houston on 6 August for a day of prayer "seeking God's guidance to deal with the problems facing our nation, to invite the presence, power and person of Christ to fill our nation and turn the hearts of millions to righteousness, peace and joy in Him, to see real change across our nation that only God can perform."
I hope they'll also pray that God will instill in each and every person, Christians especially, a sense of love for our neighbors; the brotherly love that Christ commanded us to have. The kind of love that "suffers long and is kind; that does not envy; does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love that never fails", like that Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians.
Paul wrote: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." Too many of our politicians, leaders, and yes, even too many pastors, preachers, teachers and members of the Church are nothing more than sounding brass, clanging cymbals!
Love for one another is one of the most imminent things Christ taught, and commanded. Love was the basis of what God did when He sent His Son to live, and to die, for us. John 3:16 starts out with, "For God so LOVED the world". Without love, we would have no hope, no future, no chance. And God not only demonstrated love, and commanded us to love, He DEMANDS that we love. The Bible uses the term "neighbor" or "brother" in telling us whom to love, and those words are subsequently defined as "every man, woman and child" on the planet. He even went so far as to tell us that to love those who love us is not enough, because even the sinner does so. He explained that loving those who don't love us, or those who hate us, is the true love He wants us to have.
And loving someone means you don't try to harm them; you don't try to limit their rights and freedoms; you don't try to exclude them or deny them. In fact, loving them means you diligently work to make certain they have all the advantages, all the rights and freedoms that you, yourself, may not enjoy. Think of the way you love your child, your parent, your siblings: would you do anything to harm them? Deny them? Exclude them? NO!
Too often we Christians think in the terms of the worldly concept of "tough love"; that's not Christ's love. That concept is a way to justify not doing everything you can for the person you claim to love. It's a way to appease yourself by claiming you love them, but doing something that hurts them or excludes them. When you love someone with everything you have, you forgive them their mistakes, you forgive them when they do something that hurts you. And when we forgive the way Christ tells us to, we FORGET the offense we're forgiving. The idea that we can forgive and not forget is ludicrous. What if God practiced that type of forgiveness? What if God practiced the type of love that we profess to have? Who among us would have any hope?
I pray this day of prayer will bring about the goals that have been stated, but I also pray that it brings about a new sense of love and forgiveness and acceptance among the church. That we become the type of lovers that God is. That we become willing to love, forgive, forget and embrace our fellow man the way Christ loved, forgave, forgot and embraced us on the day He hung on that cross to deliver us and provide us the means to a relationship with the almighty God who created Heaven and Earth for OUR benefit and use.
I pray each and every person in this world will not only experience this type of love, but will practice it. If that happened, all wars would cease, all strife would end and joy would finally be a global experience.
I hope they'll also pray that God will instill in each and every person, Christians especially, a sense of love for our neighbors; the brotherly love that Christ commanded us to have. The kind of love that "suffers long and is kind; that does not envy; does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love that never fails", like that Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians.
Paul wrote: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." Too many of our politicians, leaders, and yes, even too many pastors, preachers, teachers and members of the Church are nothing more than sounding brass, clanging cymbals!
Love for one another is one of the most imminent things Christ taught, and commanded. Love was the basis of what God did when He sent His Son to live, and to die, for us. John 3:16 starts out with, "For God so LOVED the world". Without love, we would have no hope, no future, no chance. And God not only demonstrated love, and commanded us to love, He DEMANDS that we love. The Bible uses the term "neighbor" or "brother" in telling us whom to love, and those words are subsequently defined as "every man, woman and child" on the planet. He even went so far as to tell us that to love those who love us is not enough, because even the sinner does so. He explained that loving those who don't love us, or those who hate us, is the true love He wants us to have.
And loving someone means you don't try to harm them; you don't try to limit their rights and freedoms; you don't try to exclude them or deny them. In fact, loving them means you diligently work to make certain they have all the advantages, all the rights and freedoms that you, yourself, may not enjoy. Think of the way you love your child, your parent, your siblings: would you do anything to harm them? Deny them? Exclude them? NO!
Too often we Christians think in the terms of the worldly concept of "tough love"; that's not Christ's love. That concept is a way to justify not doing everything you can for the person you claim to love. It's a way to appease yourself by claiming you love them, but doing something that hurts them or excludes them. When you love someone with everything you have, you forgive them their mistakes, you forgive them when they do something that hurts you. And when we forgive the way Christ tells us to, we FORGET the offense we're forgiving. The idea that we can forgive and not forget is ludicrous. What if God practiced that type of forgiveness? What if God practiced the type of love that we profess to have? Who among us would have any hope?
I pray this day of prayer will bring about the goals that have been stated, but I also pray that it brings about a new sense of love and forgiveness and acceptance among the church. That we become the type of lovers that God is. That we become willing to love, forgive, forget and embrace our fellow man the way Christ loved, forgave, forgot and embraced us on the day He hung on that cross to deliver us and provide us the means to a relationship with the almighty God who created Heaven and Earth for OUR benefit and use.
I pray each and every person in this world will not only experience this type of love, but will practice it. If that happened, all wars would cease, all strife would end and joy would finally be a global experience.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Child Abuse is No Excuse for a Life Wasted
I am a survivor of childhood abuse. Though there were intermittent episodes before the age of 13, the real, constant and violent abuse began after my step-mother left my dad for the final time just one month after my 13th birthday. With his long-time punching bag gone, I became the designated heir of his violence, anger, hatred and beatings. I can remember the first one so vividly, it could have happened yesterday afternoon. We were at his girlfriend's home and while they were in the living room watching TV, I was in her daughter's bedroom playing cards. Suddenly I heard his angry voice calling me to get in the living room; the timbre of his voice, and the venom that permeated it, were foreign to me, at that time. Despite knowing he was angry, I walked down the hall without fear because I had never experienced what was about to unfold, although I'd witnessed similar violence as he beat his former wife.
When I got to the living room, his girlfriend was sitting on his lap in the recliner. He asked me if I had told his girlfriend that he had beat my step-mother and I answered yes, because I had told her that and he had beaten his wife. Then he asked me why I had told her that, and I answered that I told her because it was true. He stood up so suddenly, his girlfriend wound up sprawled across the floor, and he struck me so hard with the back of his fist I flew across the room and landed in the hallway. I don't know how long he pummeled me with his fists or kicked me with his cowboy boots, but I do recall his girlfriend, her daughter and oldest son were all trying to get him to stop, even trying to grab his arms to keep him from striking me. All I could think, after it was done, was that he had just proven that what I had said was true, despite his protestations that it wasn't.
I tell this story to make this point: I suffered physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse at the hands of my father for many years. My father had two modes of dealing with me: beating me or neglecting me; there was no in-between. I was shuttled back and forth between his sister, his parents, his girlfriend and a broken down motel on Bossier City's infamous strip for almost 5 years. Yet, despite all of that, I did not grow into a monster, myself; I don't kill people, I don't steal or cheat. I still suffer consequences of those years, but the fact is, I am responsible for my own actions and behaviors. When I do something wrong, it's not because I was abused, it's because I chose to walk a path that led me to a place where I did not measure up to society's standards, or I missed the mark to achieve complete acceptability of my behavior.
Too many people have stood in courts in this country and claimed they are murderers, rapists, thieves, etc., because they were abused as children. Hogwash! They are those various types of criminal because they chose to be and their offering up the excuse of abuse is merely their attempts to minimize their culpability and any punishment they may face. You see, I have the choice to live my life reacting to what I endured as a child, or to live my life acting under the guidelines and rules that govern decent, civilized people. No memories of my abuse could ever justify perpetuating behaviors which bring harm to others.
I will say that my attitudes and behaviors are still influenced to some degree by what I went through as a child, but I make the choice on whether to behave poorly or with character, to obey the laws of the land or rampage my way through life trampling on the rights, hearts and feelings of others. It is my decision, and my responsibility alone. I pray, frequently, for God to remind me where I came from, to help me live my life in the here and now and to prepare, today, for what will come to me tomorrow. The biggest hurdle I have faced in my life was to let go of the bitterness, anger and hurt of my youth; but I realized that those feelings were mine to embrace or to let go of. No one could make me live my life with them, and no one could take them away from me; it was my choice on what to do with, and about, them.
Yes, childhood abuse has a lasting effect on its victims. The entirety of their lives will be shadowed by those events, but that doesn't mean they have to live their lives as victims forever. Each individual has to make the choice whether to live with it or live by it. I chose to live with it: using it as a catalyst to make me more compassionate, more helpful, more sensitive to those around me and to spur me on to do good in this world.
I had some great, loving people in my life who showed me the other side. They lived their lives in ways that gave me an insight into how to live a positive, upstanding and productive life. For them, I am eternally grateful. And I pray God will continue to guide me into His light and His righteousness. He has never once forsaken me or failed to meet my need. And He has helped me overcome the disadvantages of my youth in order to be the man I am today who continues to seek the good and the right, so that I can make positive difference in another person's life. And maybe, just maybe, to be one step closer to the man that He wants me to be.
When I got to the living room, his girlfriend was sitting on his lap in the recliner. He asked me if I had told his girlfriend that he had beat my step-mother and I answered yes, because I had told her that and he had beaten his wife. Then he asked me why I had told her that, and I answered that I told her because it was true. He stood up so suddenly, his girlfriend wound up sprawled across the floor, and he struck me so hard with the back of his fist I flew across the room and landed in the hallway. I don't know how long he pummeled me with his fists or kicked me with his cowboy boots, but I do recall his girlfriend, her daughter and oldest son were all trying to get him to stop, even trying to grab his arms to keep him from striking me. All I could think, after it was done, was that he had just proven that what I had said was true, despite his protestations that it wasn't.
I tell this story to make this point: I suffered physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse at the hands of my father for many years. My father had two modes of dealing with me: beating me or neglecting me; there was no in-between. I was shuttled back and forth between his sister, his parents, his girlfriend and a broken down motel on Bossier City's infamous strip for almost 5 years. Yet, despite all of that, I did not grow into a monster, myself; I don't kill people, I don't steal or cheat. I still suffer consequences of those years, but the fact is, I am responsible for my own actions and behaviors. When I do something wrong, it's not because I was abused, it's because I chose to walk a path that led me to a place where I did not measure up to society's standards, or I missed the mark to achieve complete acceptability of my behavior.
Too many people have stood in courts in this country and claimed they are murderers, rapists, thieves, etc., because they were abused as children. Hogwash! They are those various types of criminal because they chose to be and their offering up the excuse of abuse is merely their attempts to minimize their culpability and any punishment they may face. You see, I have the choice to live my life reacting to what I endured as a child, or to live my life acting under the guidelines and rules that govern decent, civilized people. No memories of my abuse could ever justify perpetuating behaviors which bring harm to others.
I will say that my attitudes and behaviors are still influenced to some degree by what I went through as a child, but I make the choice on whether to behave poorly or with character, to obey the laws of the land or rampage my way through life trampling on the rights, hearts and feelings of others. It is my decision, and my responsibility alone. I pray, frequently, for God to remind me where I came from, to help me live my life in the here and now and to prepare, today, for what will come to me tomorrow. The biggest hurdle I have faced in my life was to let go of the bitterness, anger and hurt of my youth; but I realized that those feelings were mine to embrace or to let go of. No one could make me live my life with them, and no one could take them away from me; it was my choice on what to do with, and about, them.
Yes, childhood abuse has a lasting effect on its victims. The entirety of their lives will be shadowed by those events, but that doesn't mean they have to live their lives as victims forever. Each individual has to make the choice whether to live with it or live by it. I chose to live with it: using it as a catalyst to make me more compassionate, more helpful, more sensitive to those around me and to spur me on to do good in this world.
I had some great, loving people in my life who showed me the other side. They lived their lives in ways that gave me an insight into how to live a positive, upstanding and productive life. For them, I am eternally grateful. And I pray God will continue to guide me into His light and His righteousness. He has never once forsaken me or failed to meet my need. And He has helped me overcome the disadvantages of my youth in order to be the man I am today who continues to seek the good and the right, so that I can make positive difference in another person's life. And maybe, just maybe, to be one step closer to the man that He wants me to be.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Blame Game
I'm so sick of "the blame game" that has become ubiquitous in this world. Politicians blame the other party; Congress blames the President; the President blames the Congress; corporations blame the government; the government blames the taxpayers; everyone blames everyone else -- no one is willing to step up and admit that we are all responsible for the situations we find ourselves in, as a nation.
As voters, each and every one of us is responsible for the government we have, and the decisions they make. We put them in office, and we've left them in office, so whatever they've created or destroyed in this country is our responsibility. Don't like the direction the country is going? Vote those who have been in office for the past umpteen hundred years out and put someone in who has fresh ideas. Didn't vote? Then you have no right to complain!!
And let's all remember there are some things our government and its leaders have no control over. Everyone is hating the price of gasoline right now; trust me, I hate it BIG TIME. When it takes more than 15% of my monthly income to fill my tank, it HURTS! But, I also know that the President and the Congress don't have any control over the price of gasoline or the price of oil. Yes, they can influence the price of oil a little bit by releasing more of the fuel that is held in reserve, but for the most part the price of oil, and hence the price of gasoline, is out of their jurisdiction. So is the cost of groceries. Inflation, on the other hand, is something the politicians can influence.
We've become a society that doesn't take responsibility for our own actions and sues every one and every firm at the drop of a hat. I read just yesterday that Spanish farmers are suing Germany because of comments made by German officials about the source of this new, deadly strain of E.coli, which they traced back to vegetables coming from a particular region of Spain. Because of that announcement, the sales of vegetables dropped significantly, so the farmers are now suing. Reminds me of when beef ranchers sued Oprah because she said something along the lines of she wouldn't eat a hamburger during the mad cow disease epidemic a few years back.
One of the tenets of my faith says that I have to admit my sins and errors and ask forgiveness for them. Nowhere does it say I should find someone else to blame for my shortcomings and mistakes. But, Jesus also teaches that we are to love everyone as He loves us. Well, love does no harm to others, either by suing or blaming them for my mistakes. Sort of makes sense, then, if I love everyone, I will take responsibility for my actions, instead of blaming someone else for them, and I will try to do better in the future to not make those mistakes, again, or similar ones.
It's time we grow up as a people and stop expecting others to shoulder our responsibility; and stop allowing politicians to blame everyone but themselves for the mess our political arena is in, today. Let's hold them each accountable for their own misdeeds, and give them the credit when they deserve it.
As voters, each and every one of us is responsible for the government we have, and the decisions they make. We put them in office, and we've left them in office, so whatever they've created or destroyed in this country is our responsibility. Don't like the direction the country is going? Vote those who have been in office for the past umpteen hundred years out and put someone in who has fresh ideas. Didn't vote? Then you have no right to complain!!
And let's all remember there are some things our government and its leaders have no control over. Everyone is hating the price of gasoline right now; trust me, I hate it BIG TIME. When it takes more than 15% of my monthly income to fill my tank, it HURTS! But, I also know that the President and the Congress don't have any control over the price of gasoline or the price of oil. Yes, they can influence the price of oil a little bit by releasing more of the fuel that is held in reserve, but for the most part the price of oil, and hence the price of gasoline, is out of their jurisdiction. So is the cost of groceries. Inflation, on the other hand, is something the politicians can influence.
We've become a society that doesn't take responsibility for our own actions and sues every one and every firm at the drop of a hat. I read just yesterday that Spanish farmers are suing Germany because of comments made by German officials about the source of this new, deadly strain of E.coli, which they traced back to vegetables coming from a particular region of Spain. Because of that announcement, the sales of vegetables dropped significantly, so the farmers are now suing. Reminds me of when beef ranchers sued Oprah because she said something along the lines of she wouldn't eat a hamburger during the mad cow disease epidemic a few years back.
One of the tenets of my faith says that I have to admit my sins and errors and ask forgiveness for them. Nowhere does it say I should find someone else to blame for my shortcomings and mistakes. But, Jesus also teaches that we are to love everyone as He loves us. Well, love does no harm to others, either by suing or blaming them for my mistakes. Sort of makes sense, then, if I love everyone, I will take responsibility for my actions, instead of blaming someone else for them, and I will try to do better in the future to not make those mistakes, again, or similar ones.
It's time we grow up as a people and stop expecting others to shoulder our responsibility; and stop allowing politicians to blame everyone but themselves for the mess our political arena is in, today. Let's hold them each accountable for their own misdeeds, and give them the credit when they deserve it.
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