Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Embarking on God's Call

I've suffered horrendous, debilitating, intractable, insipid pain for the past 23½ years.  God did deliver me from the pain for several months, earlier this year but it returned after they removed the hardware from my lumbar spine back in April during emergency surgery due to infection.  Last week's appointment with the surgeon revealed the broken L4 vertebrae has begun slipping, which is causing even more pain.  For many years I allowed myself to be deceived into thinking that I deserved this pain, and the complications that come with it.  Thanks to my friend, Becky Fender, I came to realize that it was not deserved nor is it God's will for me to live in chronic, persistent pain from the base of my skull to my toes and all parts in between.

Over the years I've had good-intentioned Christians tell me that I just don't have enough faith, or there's some sin in my life I haven't repented for that causes this pain and the lack of healing.  The truth is, I have lots of faith for a divine touch and miraculous healing.  I've experienced miraculous healings in other areas of my body and life; as for the unrepentant sin, I can only laugh when someone says something like that.

Due to my inability to work, I spend most waking hours either on the computer or watching TV.  This year has been especially egregious when it comes to not being able to do anything.  Without the hardware to support the lumbar spine, pressure increases on the nerves, 2 of which have a condition called Arachnoiditis.  That's where the chronic pain comes from.  Also have 2 instances of the condition in the cervical spine (neck).

Now, having said all that, I do believe that God works ALL things for good for those of us who love Him!  I don't know how He will make this into good, but His will and plan for me only includes good.  Over the past few years I've been able to help others who are just beginning the long road that is chronic, insipid pain.  One was a little old lady in her twilight years who had developed chronic pain and was considering having a pain pump implanted.  My doctors asked me if I would consider speaking with her because she was terribly frightened.  I do think I helped her, and I pray she's finding some relief from her pain.

The one thing I know for sure about this pain is that it's intent is to keep me from doing what God has called me to: music.  Music for His glory, for exhorting my fellow Christians and even to teach through song.  Despite basically being confined from doing anything, I can still write, and I have.  I've written some amazing lyrics over the past few months, and I know beyond any doubt that those words came directly from the Throne: I was merely the vessel God used to bring them into creation.

So, I ask for your prayers for healing, for anointing, for doors opening.  I know God can, and will, make a way!

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