New Love/First Love

I'm 60 years old and I've never had someone be in love with me. I have been in love, once, but it was not returned. I was settled for, not chosen or "the one." I have loved when I wasn't "in love," and while those relationships were nice, they weren't meant to be the permanent, lasting relationships, they were merely practice for the real one.

The one relationship where I was in love, I was settled for because of health issues Kerry was dealing with. I was settled for because there was no hope that someone else would come along and be the love Kerry wanted. While I knew that going in, and I was okay with it because I was so madly in love, later on I felt cheated and deprived. My love wasn't diminished, but I felt like I deserve to be loved the way I love. And although I dated, I didn't find the one, so I gave up. For almost 25 years I didn't try to find love, I just lived my life believing no one would ever love me like that.

My comment on love was, "if God wants me to have it, He will rip off the roof and throw it in."

There's a possibility that I may have found that love, or it found me. A month into the relationship, there's something really special going on but I cannot say that I've found "the one." I've found someone who COULD be "the one." While I had never heard the words, "I love you" from someone I was in a relationship with before, I got to hear those words a couple of weeks ago and it felt so good, so right, so now. Yes, it would be easy to question why it took so long, or to ask what was I doing wrong that I couldn't find it earlier in my life, but the truth is asking those questions and getting the answers wouldn't change anything. I would still be 60 years old and experiencing something I've never experienced before. I don't feel the need to question, I only feel the need to experience what is happening in the here and now.

Everything happens in God's time. When you give your life to Him and you place all control of your life in His hands, then things happen on His schedule and there's not much you can do about it. Yes, I could try to force it, like I did with Kerry, but nothing will really come of that because it's not the soulmate God created for me. And that's who I want: God's choice, not my own. This new love may very well turn out to be my first true love, but it may turn out to be just another preparation or just a taste of love. I don't know, yet. But I do know I'm going to enjoy it for as long as God has planned.