Life As An Afterthought

Let me first state that I am in no way trying to place blame, cause guilt or otherwise shame anyone. What I'm writing about is just the way it feels to live as "an afterthought" in the community of my family. I know it's not intentional, I doubt anyone has actively chosen to treat me as an afterthought, but the fact remains that I am one.

First, let me explain what "an afterthought" is. This is the person in the family or some other type of social group, who is not thought of when something like an illness, a death, a birth or some other major event happens within the family or the group. This person is either not thought about for months afterward, and someone wonders if anyone contacted this person to inform them of the event, or the person learns of the event after a long period of time by asking about the person the event happened to.

Within my family, I know I'm loved, but there have been major events, like deaths, that I only learned about much later; my great-uncle is an example, I didn't know he passed away until over a year after his funeral. My uncle, by marriage, passed and it was six weeks after the funeral that someone asked, "did anyone tell him?"

These types of things will cause the person who is the afterthought to question if they're loved. Or they begin to think that they're just not considered part of the family for some reason that the person dreams up out of nowhere because they weren't told some bit of news. And the things they think of are nowhere near the reality of the rest of the family, but when you're left out of the loop, your heart and soul try to think of a reason you were left out in order to make sense out of it. When, in all reality, there is no sense to it.

It nags at the person who is the afterthought. They question their worth. They question their importance. They feel like they are unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. It causes doubt, fear, depression and a feeling of loneliness like no other. Even knowing it's not intentional cannot cover the multitude of negative emotions that come about when they learn that they are an afterthought.

Think about your family, your social circle, is there someone that doesn't get told things until they ask or until long after the major events happen? If so, consciously reach out to that person and assure them that they are loved, they are appreciated and they are thought of. And work a little harder to make certain they are notified when major events happen. Maybe make them a little more of a priority than you have been. It's hurtful to be an afterthought. Even for those who know it's not intentional, they realize they're just not so important.

Open Book

I am who I am. I am who God created me to be. Both in the first creation (in the womb) and the second creation (being reborn.) I don't make apologies for who I am. I will not change who I am in order to please someone else. I'm an open book, I live my life completely in the open for all to see. I don't hide behind closed doors, drawn windows or locked up in some room within my heart. If someone doesn't like something about me, that does not concern me. That is their choice, not mine. If someone cannot accept the whole me, they do not get to have half of me or any percentage below 100. And that is not my concern.

It is not my job to make everyone happy. It's not even my job to make one person happy. My job, on this earth, is to spread the Good News that Jesus Christ, of Nazareth, was born of a virgin, lived, taught what He wanted His people to know, was beaten, hung on a cross for my healing and the cleansing of my sin, that He rose again on the third day to purchase my salvation and rose to Heaven so that I might have eternal life with God. Another part of my job, on this earth, is to help all those who are in need that I have the ability to help. Even if they don't ask, if I see the need and have the ability to meet that need, it is my responsibility to do so. And that's the end of my job, on this earth.

Along the way, God has given me gifts that I can share with others. Words of encouragement, words of warning and words of caution. He gives me those words to put into song. He gives me those words to put into devotionals. He gives me those words to encourage other Believers. It's not my job, it's my blessing and my joy. It's my praise and my worship of the Creator of the Universe!

Other people may not understand the things I do or the things I say. And that's okay; maybe what I do and what I say is not for them. If they are upset about them, again, that's not my concern. Others may have bias that makes them unable to hear or understand what I say and do. That's not my concern. Others may have beliefs that are different than mine. Not my concern. They may have traditions that I do not have. Not my concern. They may think me strange, weird, whacko, unhinged or even unsaved. Not my concern.

It is not my concern how others choose to live their lives. Whether saved, unsaved, backslidden or purely evil. The only requirement on me regarding those things is that I live the way Christ tells me to live, that I obey God and that I tell them about Jesus and His love, grace and mercy, that He offers them salvation through the blood of Jesus and to offer to meet any of their need that I have the ability to fill. That's it. That's all. Full stop.

I choose to live my life completely open and honest. I choose to allow everyone to see who I am, what I do and hear what I say. Unless and until God tells me otherwise, I will continue to do so. He is the only One that I desire, or need, to please.