Life As An Afterthought

Let me first state that I am in no way trying to place blame, cause guilt or otherwise shame anyone. What I'm writing about is just the way it feels to live as "an afterthought" in the community of my family. I know it's not intentional, I doubt anyone has actively chosen to treat me as an afterthought, but the fact remains that I am one.

First, let me explain what "an afterthought" is. This is the person in the family or some other type of social group, who is not thought of when something like an illness, a death, a birth or some other major event happens within the family or the group. This person is either not thought about for months afterward, and someone wonders if anyone contacted this person to inform them of the event, or the person learns of the event after a long period of time by asking about the person the event happened to.

Within my family, I know I'm loved, but there have been major events, like deaths, that I only learned about much later; my great-uncle is an example, I didn't know he passed away until over a year after his funeral. My uncle, by marriage, passed and it was six weeks after the funeral that someone asked, "did anyone tell him?"

These types of things will cause the person who is the afterthought to question if they're loved. Or they begin to think that they're just not considered part of the family for some reason that the person dreams up out of nowhere because they weren't told some bit of news. And the things they think of are nowhere near the reality of the rest of the family, but when you're left out of the loop, your heart and soul try to think of a reason you were left out in order to make sense out of it. When, in all reality, there is no sense to it.

It nags at the person who is the afterthought. They question their worth. They question their importance. They feel like they are unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. It causes doubt, fear, depression and a feeling of loneliness like no other. Even knowing it's not intentional cannot cover the multitude of negative emotions that come about when they learn that they are an afterthought.

Think about your family, your social circle, is there someone that doesn't get told things until they ask or until long after the major events happen? If so, consciously reach out to that person and assure them that they are loved, they are appreciated and they are thought of. And work a little harder to make certain they are notified when major events happen. Maybe make them a little more of a priority than you have been. It's hurtful to be an afterthought. Even for those who know it's not intentional, they realize they're just not so important.