Family

With the passing of my father just before Christmas, I've been thinking about family, and the importance of family. Mine is fractured due to the decisions and actions of my father. Even my relationships with my older brother and sister by my Mom have been affected by my father's actions. He had 6 children through 3 marriages and there's fractured relationships between all 6. Two sisters from his first marriage have a good relationship, but neither of those daughters have close relationships with his 3 sons from marriages 2 and 3. And the two sons from second marriage don't have a relationship with one another, nor do they with the son from the third.

My father was one of eight children between his parents. Oldest of his father's five, number four of his mother's eight. Even amongst those 8, there were fractured relationships. My father didn't have a good relationship with any of this siblings, only with his youngest sister did he even truly have a relationship. And amongst the others there was also fractured relationships. Yet, my Dad's parents had good relationships with all of their siblings. So, what went wrong in Dad's generation that carried down into mine?

Alcohol was the biggest fracturing agent in Dad's generation. Three of my grandfather's five children had problems with alcohol. Four of my grandmother's eight had problems with alcohol. In my generation, drugs were added to the mix. Of my 23 cousins, drugs or alcohol, or both, have affected at least 5. Of course the effects of one acoholic/addict will affect every person in that family unit, but only 5 were active users of drugs or alcohol. There were other factors involved, as well. Abandonment of children, kidnapping of children and putting too much responsibility on children too young to deal with that responsibility emotionally.

I have always felt the fractured nature of my family more at Christmas than other times of the year because all around me everyone is talking about spending time with the families and I have no family to really spend the holidays with. I would love to spend time with all my family but there are those in my family who don't want to spend time with one another. They have their holidays with others but not with our family. A lot of people have told me that I should create a family of chosen people, and I have, but it's not the same. My heart, my soul, still aches for that connection to those who share my DNA. Those I spent the holidays with as a child. Aunts, uncles, cousins who have known me since birth, or least age 4. But those family members don't want to. So, I generally spend the Day alone. Me and my dogs and cat. Sitting home, alone, celebrating the birth, and life, of Jesus, my King.

This year, especially, it seems harder. Gone are the holidays with my Godchildren. My father's passing just 6 days before Christmas Day also deepens the feeling that it's just not a lot like Christmas, this year. Maybe next year will be better.