Just kidding No Excuse For Rude & Derogatory Behavior

We hear, and read, it all the time: someone makes mean-spirited, derogatory or rude comments, then when called on it, they say, "Oh, I was just joking/kidding." WRONG! Anytime someone uses disparaging comments on a regular basis, there's something more going on than just joking; deep inside they are either jealous, envious or truly hateful toward those people they direct those jokes to. Even the Bible forewarned us about someone who says, "just kidding" after making those type statements in Proverbs 26:18-19: "Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'"

I know in my own life, I've had relatives who consistently made negative, derogatory remarks to or about me, then when I called them on it, they tried to back peddle by claiming they were only joking. Joking or not, those kinds of repeated comments sting and hurt. And I've seen others who have done the same to others, and when I've mentioned it to them, they claim their target knows they're only joking, and they don't mean all the mean, negative and hurtful things they say. I call that hogwash! When you love someone, whether a family member, spouse or friend, you do not say those types of things on a regular basis. Every now and again, it's just good fun to slightly disparage someone in humor, but to do so on a regular, almost daily basis is not good clean fun, it's an indication of a much deeper seated resentment or jealousy on the part of the one making those statements.

As a brother to a large number of brothers and sisters, I can tell you I have jokingly said things about/to them that if someone didn't know we were siblings, they would think I hated them. But I've only made those statements on rare occasions, and always in the midst of a humor filled visit. And I always let them know on those rare occasions that it was intended as a joke, and that I don't feel that way about them. Of course, because I'm constantly offering positive comments about them, they know when I do make the rare joke that it is just that.

From the tongue comes the truth of the heart. If someone is consistently saying things that are disparaging, defeatist, ugly, rude or derogatory about someone else, it's best to look deeper into their heart to find out why it is they feel the need to make such statements, because those constant barbs of negativity do not come from a spirit of love.

Getting Rid of My Babies

In the past few weeks, several well meaning friends and relatives have voiced their opinion that I need to get rid of at least one of my dogs, if not all of them; I know this "advice" is coming from a place of love and concern for me, but I want to set the record straight: I am not going to get rid of my dogs now, or anytime in the near future.

Let me explain something, here. My babies are the reason I get out of bed on those days when the pain is so bad I would like to do nothing more than just lay in bed and cry! Because the dogs have to go out and potty and have to be fed, I have to get out of bed. And, if I were to lay in bed one day, it would be easy to lay in the bed a second day, and a third and a tenth, and so forth. My doctors told me a long time ago I would be in a wheelchair before I reached 40 years old. At just past my 48th birthday, I'm still on my feet, in part because I have to get up and take care of my dogs. I have a reason to get out of bed, especially on days when I don't want to because the pain is so bad.

I've recently fallen twice in the space of about 10 days, and some have blamed my falling on my dogs, when the truth is, my dogs had nothing to do with either fall. Yes, I was outside with the dogs on both occasions, but with the first fall, the dogs were more than 70 feet away; I had turned to look where the dogs were, and tripped over my own feet because my right leg decided to stop working at that exact moment. Nothing to do with the dogs. In the 2nd, I was outside with Rufus, and though he was on the leash, he was not pulling or causing any problem. Again, my leg decided to just "disappear" and I fell. It would have happened had I been inside or if I had no pets, whatsoever. It's part and parcel of the nerve damage in my spine.

My dogs offer me more than they could ever require from me: love, companionship, caring and they give me a reason to get out of bed each and every day. Yes, there are times when I wish I didn't have to take them outside to do their bizness; when I wish I didn't have to get up and prepare their food or refill their water bowls; when I loathe having to put them in the bathtub to bathe them. And yet, I wouldn't trade having to do those things for the loneliness and lack of a need to get out of bed for any amount of money.

I am greatly appreciative of the fact that my friends and family love me enough to be concerned about me, and I know the statements about getting rid of a dog or all the dogs comes from that place of concern and caring, but the truth is, if my friends and family truly care for me and are concerned for my welfare, they will understand that I NEED my babies, very deeply. No one would think of telling a parent who has the same physical problems I have that they should get rid of one of their children, even if that child had done something that caused the parent to fall; well, Trudie, Whitley, Rascal and Rufus are my children.

The Truth About Beauty

In the modern era, we seem to be consumed with the idea of beauty. Yes, I know that looks have always held a high place in mankind's mind/heart, but it seems in the 20th and 21st centuries, beauty has become an obsession, not only for people searching for it but for people wanting to be beautiful. What both the beholder and the beholden always seem to forget, however, is that beauty comes from the inside out. Yes, the physical attractiveness of a person is what most people see, but that's genetic; we have absolutely no control (without resorting to radical surgery) over how our faces are formed or how we look.

What we do control, however, is the beauty that is our heart and soul. "Beauty is as beauty does" is an old cliché, but it is absolutely true. Many people who are, or have been, exquisitely formed physically ruin that physical beauty by the ugliness of their soul and heart. Beauty is kindness, gentleness, meekness, lawfulness, compassionate, helpful, loving and empathetic. Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were said to possess great physical beauty, but the ugliness of their actions obliterated any positives their physical appearance may have rendered. Ted Bundy was said to have "movie star looks", but the ugliness of his murders made that physical attractiveness moot.

Being a law abiding citizen who is kind and helpful to those around you, offering encouragement and love to those you come into contact with daily and being a dependable and trustworthy friend, relative or acquaintance makes you much more beautiful than anything your looks may offer. Jesus once used the following to describe a group of people, both individually and as a group: "you make clean the outside of the cup, but within you are full of extortion and excess." He was telling them that even though their outward appearance might be described as beautiful, the ugliness that was within made the outside appearance irrelevant.

People may look at you, without knowing you, and see the outer beauty, but anyone who spends any time with you is going to notice your inner beauty more than your appearance. If you lie, steal, cheat, backstab, gossip, betray, treat people with cruelty, break the law and otherwise do things that are not beautiful, then you will not be described as beautiful. The ugliness of the heart/soul will be what people think of when they hear your name.

The State of Our Nation

The United States of America has been fighting to recover from "The Great Recession". Several ideas and initiatives which were meant to jumpstart our economy have been tried, and while some of them didn't do much, we can't really say they've all failed. We narrowly escaped falling into a "double dip recession", thanks in most part to those initiatives and programs. And while the vast majority of Americans are struggling to survive month to month, I keep hearing the politicians blaming everyone but themselves. Of course, each party is blaming the other, but collectively the political machines from Washington, DC to the local city councils across the nation are blaming anything and everything except their own past actions and failures to act.

And while the politicos are throwing mud at one another, the average citizens who are affiliated with a particular political party/cause, regurgitate the bile and venom being offered by the politicians. Everyone keeps accusing the "other side" of not offering any plans to make things better when the truth of the matter is both sides have offered plans, but each party rejects anything and everything that comes from "across the aisle", out of hand, without really giving it a look see, simply because it came from "across the aisle."

I'm sick of hearing how Barack Obama is responsible for the economy. Whether you're a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Tea Party or Independent, you have to remember that the economy tanked during the previous administration. Obama didn't cause the economy to fail, and in fact, no President is able to cause our economy to fail or succeed. Our economy is 70% based on us, the consumers. We stopped spending and the economy faltered. We stopped spending because of huge scandals and failures in the banking industry, Wall Street and the automotive industry, but it was we who brought down our economy.

I know, I know. It's heresy in this country to actually state the truth that we are responsible. It's become the norm to blame everyone, anyone, else. No matter what the problem, we blame everyone but ourselves. But, it is time we got back to the basics of truth. Stop pawning our problems off on the shoulders of everyone else and stand up and face what we have done to ourselves, by ourselves.

And where did we come up with this idea that throwing mud at someone because they're not a member of our political circle is acceptable? That's NOT the teachings of Christ that I read in my Bible. Maybe I have a different version than most of the Christians I know or read in the media or on Facebook, but mine tells me to love each and every person on the planet the way God loves me. And that I am to speak only if my words are encouraging, exalting, good and joyful. I don't recall anywhere where it tells me to trash talk anyone or level accusations against people I don't know except for what appears in the media. We all know there's more to a person than what the media presents. And even if we do know someone more than just through the media, where did we get the idea that we can speak for God about the status of another person's heart? I seem to recall Jesus stating that no man can see into the heart of another man, that only God sees the heart of man.

More and more I see the Church of today resembling the institution that Jesus railed against during his years of Ministry. We have become the scribes and Pharisees; the Sadducees and the Sanhedrin. We've allowed our traditions to completely push out the Grace and Mercy and Love that Christ taught.

I keep hearing so many Christians saying that we need to get on our knees so God can heal our nation. I couldn't agree more, but the problem is, most of those people don't really want to get on their knees and ask God to forgive them for their judgmental attitudes and statements or their missing the mark; they want God to come down and strike dead everyone who believes differently than they do or who isn't a member of their favorite political party. I don't think God's a Republican or a Democrat. In fact, I know He's not, because He instructed us to not put our faith and treasure in the things of this world, because this world is not our home: Heaven is!

Disliking The President

I keep hearing about President Obama's "bailouts", so I did some checking. The financial institutions bailouts, the Auto Industry bailout, the AIG bailout, Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac bailout and the Bear Stearns bailout were all done under the administration of George W. Bush. So, I'm confused, what bailouts are people laying at the feet of Barack Obama? I keep hearing about the recession being the fault of our current President, but the recession began in December 2007, before Obama took office. In fact, we came out of the recession in June 2009, 5 months after Obama took office. I remember during President Bush's administration, in the final months of it, he and other governmental officials kept assuring us the economy was healthy and we were not in a recession.

And I keep hearing about "Obamacare" and how horrible it is, yet the framework of the National Healthcare plan known as "Obamacare" was modeled after the Massachusetts healthcare plan that current Presidential contender Mitt Romney crafted and introduced. No one is decrying his plan as "socialism".

I can understand not liking the policies of a President, but I don't understand blaming him for something that he's not responsible for. If you don't like the man, say you don't like the man, but don't try to rewrite history and make him responsible for things others brought to pass. And please don't tell me this President is responsible for things that you have stated the previous President could not be responsible for, such as the economy. All I heard when Bush was in office was how the President has very little effect on the economy, but now that Obama is President, everyone's saying the President is solely, 100% responsible for the economy. Ya can't have it both ways!!

I know there are many people who don't like Obama because of the color of his skin, though they won't admit that's their reasoning. They blame all sorts of other things for their dislike, but press them or look deeper into their reasons and you discover they're not being honest. Many people I know who are throwing stones at the President are doing so simply because he's a Democrat. Sad, but true, those people would never give credit to any one who is a member of the Democratic party because they are staunch Republicans. And in their opinion, nothing good can come out of the Democratic party. There are Democrats who hold the exact same views regarding the Republicans.

This is a time in our history when we should all be working together, regardless of the color of our skin, the political party we associate with or the denomination of church we attend. We are all Americans, and we must all work together to make this country a great place to live, again.

The Power of What You Say Lingers

A friend of mine posted a quote from Albert Einstein on her Facebook page which caused me to think on how powerful the things we say to children are, and how those things influence that child their entire life. The quote says, in part: ". . .if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

I grew up hearing my father tell me I was stupid, worthless, good for nothing, etc. And my older brother constantly reminded me of how ugly I was. They didn't stop this type of talk when I got grown; in fact, the day my brother's daughter was born, in 2004, when we were in the hospital room, I asked to hold my niece and my brother said, "don't let her look at you too long, we don't want her to be scarred for life having to look at your ugly face first thing!" A child's family has the most impact on that child's self-esteem and behavior. Each and every child craves the approval and love of parents and siblings. When the parents and older siblings constantly reinforce negatives in the presence of that child, (s)he will grow up believing what they've heard.

While there are many people who have the strength of character to overcome the negative impact of their upbringing, there are plenty of people who live their entire lives based on those things they heard as a child. That they were stupid or lazy or ugly or weird. There have been teens who committed suicide because of the assessments of their family who have reinforced for years the idea that the teen was not worthy of praise or love.

In my own experience, my father's girlfriend would tell me my dad would tell her how hard I had worked or what a great job I had done, but my father would tell me nothing positive; instead telling me every little thing I did wrong and he never paid me, claiming I hadn't worked hard enough or well enough to "earn" any pay. I eventually gave up trying to do a good job because no matter how good the job was, I only received criticism and negative assessments. And so I grew up to be someone who thought he wasn't good at anything, who didn't deserve to earn a decent wage because I wasn't able to perform as well as others. The first time I received a merit raise on a job, I was convinced they'd given me the raise out of pity, not because they believed I had earned it.

Another lingering result of my childhood is the difficulty I have accepting compliments. It's only been the last few years where I could simply say, "thank you" when someone complimented me. Before, every compliment was returned with a reason why I shouldn't be complimented or that the person giving the compliment was incorrect or just saying so out of pity. I've been told that some of my friends and relatives stopped giving me the compliments because they met with such resistance when they did give them to me.

Yet, all the while, while dismissing the compliments I was receiving, I was desperate to hear the compliments. Of course, when I received a compliment, I would work that much harder in whatever area I had been complimented on. Not trying to get more compliments, necessarily, but trying to deserve the compliment they had given me, already.

And, I have missed out on what may have been great relationships because I would dismiss any interest in me, outright, because I didn't believe anyone could be interested in me, romantically, because I was ugly and undeserving of anyone's love, based on the things my father and brother had told me all my life. My attitude was: "who could love someone as screwed up and unlovable as me?"

I also didn't pursue some areas of talent that had manifested in my life because when I did something like draw a picture, my father would automatically say it was rubbish and that I should leave the art to my brother who was considered mega-talented. I was in my late 20's before I began to pursue the dream of drawing, again. And much to my surprise, I was told by friends that I was okay. I even sold a drawing, once. That was a HUGE ego boost!

If you have children or grandchildren, nieces or nephews, remember to encourage them and compliment them on a regular basis. Don't harp on the negatives in their lives, concentrate on their assets. Yes, it's necessary to point out negative behaviors, but when you do, don't constantly remind them of their negatives. I am not a model, and never could win any type of contest based on my looks, but I've not the ugliest face on the planet, either. It would have been nice as a child to not be reminded every single day that I was ugly. Trust me, I am aware of my looks, and the flaws therein, but in the eyes of God, I'm one of the most beautiful people on the planet. So, even if you have a child in your life who isn't the cutest thing to ever grace the planet, don't tell them they're ugly! They know they're not gorgeous, but they need to hear what there is about them that's positive and good, not what they're lacking.

If a child isn't good at one thing, help them find what they are good at, and encourage them in that endeavor. Praise them for their determination, if nothing else. The compliment on how hard they try will help them become better at whatever they attempt. Just always remember, the things you say to a child will be with them the rest of their lives. Make it positive and uplifting!

WikiLeaks & Governmental Secrecy

When I entered the United States Air Force in 1983 I underwent a security background investigation performed by the FBI and the US Government. This was done because I would be exposed to certain military secrets and the military and government wanted to be assured that I could be trusted with that information. As time passed, my security clearance was upgraded, especially after I applied to be assigned to Air Force One.

Back then the media in the US were respectful of the need for certain matters to remain secret and they didn't try to discover certain avenues of information due to the understanding that there were some things the public is better off not knowing and with the understanding that if that information were made available to the American public it would also be available to the enemies of the Republic. Today, that respect and understanding is sorely lacking. The media, along with many of the citizens of this nation believe nothing should be kept confidential or secret; that every scrap of information and data held by the US military and government should be broadcast to every corner of the country. Journalists even brag about going after sensitive, confidential information.

The release of some half-million documents on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan by WikiLeaks put the lives of our military service members at risk. While Mr. Assange may claim that the world has a right to know, the fact of the matter is by releasing those documents he gave the enemies of the United States information that compromised not only the safety of our troops, but our ability to fight the wars in those countries efficiently and effectively. Whether you agree with the wars or not, the safety and security of our military personnel must, and should, be our utmost priority.

Yes, there have been those in government who have abused the rules for confidentially and security to perpetrate frauds and hide ethical violations, and in those cases, the ones responsible should be found and punished, but you cannot justify doing away with the secrecy needed within the government and the military because a few people have abused the system. That would be tantamount to dismantling the New York City Police Department because there have been some corrupt cops in the ranks. Chaos, lawlessness and anarchy would be the end result.

WikiLeaks, unfortunately, hasn't bothered to be selective in the information it has released. They simply release every bit of information regardless of whom it hurts or whom it puts in danger. If they had chosen to only release information that shed light on abuses of power while withholding information that shed no such light or information that could cause a citizen or a service member of this nation to be killed, I would applaud them! I cannot, however, condone the actions of these dangerous people when men and women who were trying to protect this nation lost their lives because this organization wanted to make a name for itself and did so at the expense and peril of those who fought and died to give them the right to express their opinions.