What Others Say About People, Even Family Members

I wish I could say it surprises me what people say about one another, especially family members, behind their backs. I want to be outraged at how someone could tell another person things about someone that disparages the person being talked about or maligns their character without the object of conversation being able to defend themselves. I would love to be able to shake my head in disbelief that that same person, when face to face with the person being denigrated, acts as if they would never speak ill of them to another person, or as if they have no problems with them. Sadly, I'm not surprised, outraged, disbelieving. And mostly, I wish I could say that only non-Christians do this type of thing.

I also wish that people would look a the relationship that exists between the speaker and the person being spoken about before absorbing what the speaker is saying and taking on that same attitude, especially if the speaker and subject are related; and it's even more important to do so the closer the familial ties are between them.

For example, look at other relationships the speaker has; do they have other relationships which maybe aren't what you would expect them to have with a person related or affiliated with them the way they are? And, does the speaker generally tend to speak in negative terms about others? Or do they act a different way when their subject is present? Does it seem at all strange to you that the speaker would speak of a person related to them in that manner?

I do have a purpose for writing this blog on this subject: first-hand experience of being talked about by relatives with other relatives or family friends which has caused problems in the relationships or possible relationships with those other family or friends because the others took to heart what the family member was saying about me, without giving me the benefit to either explain or defend myself. And, for the most part, this has been done with family members with whom I've strained relationships with.

The main family members who have done this are ones with whom I've generally had little contact with for many years, yet they speak about me as if they know me quite well, when the fact is, they know very little about me. Maybe at some point in the past they had closer contact with me, but for a variety of reasons we are no longer either physically or relationally close. Yet, they speak to others very authoritatively as if they know me quite deeply. And, while some of what they say about me might be partially true, the ironic fact is it's true because of the strained or dysfunctional relationship I've had with them.

Let me set the record straight, once and for all: yes, I'm weird to many of my family members. I have been a needy person who required much attention. I have often tried to get members of my family to "prove" their love for me or to show me in some way that I was important and mattered to them. Most of those character traits came about because of the circumstances of my youth. I'm not trying to cop-out, here; I am responsible for my own actions, today. Have been for many, many years, however, it is impossible to not have been effected and affected by the things that happened in my youth. Each and every one of us is the sum of all our previous experiences. Had one experience not happened, or happened differently, we would not be exactly who we are today.

I don't do everything the same way everyone else does. I do things the way i think, at the time, is best for me. I'm not perfect; I make mistakes and fall short of what is expected of me on a regular basis. I don't always do what I know I should and sometimes I do things I know I shouldn't. Who among us can say they don't behave in exactly that same fashion? Truly! Even the Apostle Paul wrote that he didn't do the things he knew he should and did the things he knew he shouldn't! Now, I'm not trying to compare myself to an Apostle, I'm just saying that each and every one of us is human...

So, from this day forward, let each and every person in your life be who they are; don't judge them based upon someone else's opinion or judgment and remember that every other person on this planet is struggling to walk the walk just like you are. No one is going to get it right all the time and some people may get it wrong more often than others. But, look at the heart of the person and see if they are truly trying or if they're just trying to "get away" with not really trying. And, through it all, look at them the way Jesus looks at you: with eyes of grace, mercy and love!

Marriage in the US

I've not spoken out on this issue before, but something is compelling me to do so, now. I keep hearing about these laws to prevent certain individuals from marrying, based on Biblical principles. Let's look at the Biblical teaching regarding marriage.

First, Jesus told us that if anyone is divorced and remarries then not only is the person who is divorced committing adultery, they are causing their new spouse, if they've never been married or are widowed/widowered, to commit adultery as well. So, following the logic present above, all marriages where a person is divorced should be outlawed. No one who is divorced should be able to get a marriage license within the United States.

Second, atheists don't believe in God. Following the same logic as above, someone must first profess their belief in the Christian Bible and belief system before they are issued a marriage license.

Of course, that also means no one who is Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim or any other religion would be issued a marriage license in the United States.

Now, let's look at something. Passing laws regulating marriage according to Biblical principles takes us right back to the Law of Moses. It's a very slippery slope. Are the laws of the United States based on the Law of Moses? Some are, yes. But, Jesus came to live and die so that we would no longer be subjected to the law. Why, then, are we trying to re-establish the law to govern the moral character of anyone?

Our focus is not supposed to be on the things of this world; we are told by Christ and the apostles that we are to dwell on heavenly things. The everlasting eternity is where we are to concentrate. We're also told we are not to meddle in the lives of those around us, we are to work specifically on our own relationship with Christ. Now, many will say that we are responsible to spread the Word, and while that is true, forcing anyone to live according to Biblical principles doesn't convert them to Christianity. In fact, forcing your beliefs on someone tends to have the opposite outcome from the one you're desiring.

God doesn't force Himself on us: we have free will to accept Him or not. Why are we, then, trying to force anyone to live according to our interpretation of God's will. Most of us struggle to know God's complete will for us as individuals, so how can we then determine His will for someone else?

We're becoming the Sanhedrin, Pharisees and Sadducees that worked so hard against Jesus, Himself and oppressed the Jewish people in the first century. Is that what God wants of us? I highly doubt it.

Let's stop trying to remove the speck from someone else's eye and start working on removing the plank from our own. Let God deal with those who are not living according to His will; all we are required to do is present the truth and light to them, not force them to live according to that truth or in that light.

Communist and Authoritarian Countries

I was just reading a news story online whose topic was North Korea, and the official name of the country, Democratic Republic of North Korea, was used. It struck me how ironic that name is for a country whose leader is not elected but is appointed by the dictator. It's very rare for communist countries to have a familial hierarchy for the leadership of the country. Normally the leader is chosen by the central political machine, such as the politburo of the former Soviet Union.

But, like other countries whose name includes language that suggests the nation is a democracy and a land of freedoms, North Korea represses it's people and refuses to grant them even the most basic of human rights: free speech. Here in the United States we take that right for granted, and often abuse it, but the freedom to voice your opinion is the most fundamental freedom a human being has, or should have. Being told by the government what you can speak is an attempt by that government to control what you think and believe.

No other nation on Earth controls the things spoken by its peoples as harshly as North Korea and China, which also has a name that can only be characterized as farcical: The People's Republic of China. There is nothing about the government of China that gives the people any input or voice. A rose by any other name is still a rose, and these nations, despite their attempts to use their official names to perpetuate an image of freedom and respectability are nothing more than repressive, authoritarian regimes who crush their people under a weight of oppression almost to the point of slavery.

My prayers go out to each and every person who has to live under these despotic regimes. May God give them strength to fight against their oppressors and gain the freedoms their nation's official names represent.

Being Misunderstood

Ok, here's the situation: I was recently accused of "being in love with arguing." I was told I have "an answer to everything." The truth is I know a little bit about a lot of things and I know a lot about a few things. I've been a reader all my life, and through my love of reading I've learned a lot of different things on a variety of subjects. It used to be someone who knew a lot of stuff about a few things was considered well informed and intelligent. I don't like to argue, either; in fact, I HATE arguing. I do, however, like having discussions, and sometimes even a good debate, but I do not like arguing.

When someone makes a statement about a topic which I have some knowledge on, I generally try to impart what I do know to educate the other person on what I've learned. It's not meant to be a statement that the other person is wrong so much as to pass along the information I have. Some would say it's my delivery that prompted the accusation that I like to argue, and that could well be true. I don't try to deliver the information in a condescending manner or come across as a "know-it-all", but to some people I guess I could.

There are some times, however, when the subject is about something personal in my life: an event or a situation in my current place in life, where I will respond if the information that is given is not what I know to be true. But, maybe it's the way I convey that information that carries the subliminal message that I think I know more than anyone, somehow, despite that not being my intent.

I am now more aware of the way in which I present the information I do have, and while I've always been one to let someone know when I don't know something, I must be more careful about how I present the information I do know so that I don't make the person I'm talking with feel like I'm trying to be superior.

This game of life is sometimes complicated, and sometimes without knowing it, we can offend someone just by the way we present ourselves or our information. Thankfully, with God, He looks inside our heart and He knows our intent. He's not going off past experiences with others, He's looking solely at what the intent of our heart is. And I'm so grateful for that.

The "New" English

When is a tax not a tax? When are the rich not rich? When it's Republican lawmakers talking about those things. Republicans stopped calling the wealthy rich sometime in 2011 instead using the euphemism "job creators" and now they're talking about raising the amount Social Security recipients pay but it's not a tax, it's "reducing the subsidy the recipients receive." My question for the GOP is if the wealthy are job creators, where are the jobs they've created? The GOP claim we can't raise taxes on the wealthiest Americans because that would stop them from creating jobs, and yet our job situation over the past 4 or 5 years has been disappearing jobs, not new ones created by these so-called "job creators", even though the incomes of those people have increased dramatically during that same period.

It's mind numbing the way the GOP create new words to divert attention away from the truth in order to keep from offending their wealthy contributors.

Dr. Mark Williams - Christian/Gospel Singer/Songwriter

Just kidding No Excuse For Rude & Derogatory Behavior

We hear, and read, it all the time: someone makes mean-spirited, derogatory or rude comments, then when called on it, they say, "Oh, I was just joking/kidding." WRONG! Anytime someone uses disparaging comments on a regular basis, there's something more going on than just joking; deep inside they are either jealous, envious or truly hateful toward those people they direct those jokes to. Even the Bible forewarned us about someone who says, "just kidding" after making those type statements in Proverbs 26:18-19: "Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'"

I know in my own life, I've had relatives who consistently made negative, derogatory remarks to or about me, then when I called them on it, they tried to back peddle by claiming they were only joking. Joking or not, those kinds of repeated comments sting and hurt. And I've seen others who have done the same to others, and when I've mentioned it to them, they claim their target knows they're only joking, and they don't mean all the mean, negative and hurtful things they say. I call that hogwash! When you love someone, whether a family member, spouse or friend, you do not say those types of things on a regular basis. Every now and again, it's just good fun to slightly disparage someone in humor, but to do so on a regular, almost daily basis is not good clean fun, it's an indication of a much deeper seated resentment or jealousy on the part of the one making those statements.

As a brother to a large number of brothers and sisters, I can tell you I have jokingly said things about/to them that if someone didn't know we were siblings, they would think I hated them. But I've only made those statements on rare occasions, and always in the midst of a humor filled visit. And I always let them know on those rare occasions that it was intended as a joke, and that I don't feel that way about them. Of course, because I'm constantly offering positive comments about them, they know when I do make the rare joke that it is just that.

From the tongue comes the truth of the heart. If someone is consistently saying things that are disparaging, defeatist, ugly, rude or derogatory about someone else, it's best to look deeper into their heart to find out why it is they feel the need to make such statements, because those constant barbs of negativity do not come from a spirit of love.